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They sweat and they smell. The Down Low was a relatively new response to a very old behavior. Standing lamps, dining room chairs, living room couchesthey can all be used for draping clothes. Well, check the next one. Its totally okay if you are not comfortable dating someone who is in the closet, but its important that youre honest about that with potential partners, and that you dont enter into a relationship with the intent of trying to change their mind or save someone. Closet drinkers are living in direct opposition to their beliefs and values. But here's some good telltale signs that your pal may be in the closet. My husband, well soon to be ex-husband I guess. The Other Side of the Closet. Seek out a support group or professional help. Answer (1 of 5): Is this person actually a closeted LGBT person, or is it that their sexuality is none of your business and they prefer to keep it that way? A gay guy who is closeted is very alert to news that is about gays or people who is coming out. 5. am suspecting my husband that he is touching my 2yrs and 4months daughters private part. Lethargic, irrational, angry, moody, and confused these are all signs of the crash. Asian women tolerate a gay husband, more than a white woman would. Instead, he'll simply tell you that you're acting irrational, or even suggest you get into therapy for your jealousy issues. Oh easy, open the door, switch your torch on and have a good look. Straight men crave womens attention Your husband may be gay and have little to no interest in having sex with a woman. Timing is critical here. work, school, or home obligations are negatively affected by drinking. Sex was robotic or he seems inexperienced no matter how long you have been together. Hes rarely jealous. 5. This may be the sign that he is gay. At best, hes closeted as bi. Its possible that the person is bisexual/pansexual, and they may even be gay but not ready to come out. Source: Hes having an affair or. And even from 1. Posted January 8, 2012. He blames depression, alcohol, and medication for not having sex even telling a doctor in front of me that he could no longer function sexually. I would say he drinks about once-twice per week, sometimes a full bottle of wine and a few beers, sometimes just a few beers. Kaye has developed the Official Gay Husband Checklist to help women know if their husbands are gay. 7% Covering up debt . Talking to him in a baby voice. (Serious) Serious Replies Only. 7. They have a higher rate of depression, anxiety, self-harm and drug abuse. All the times that you felt like you werent connecting with your partner, or you didnt feel desired, or you felt like things were offyou were correct. They say love is blind, but true love opens the eyes. I don't want to be gay. A sharp decline or even total abstinence from sex and intimacy. Its totally okay if you are not comfortable dating someone who is in the closet, but its important that youre honest about that with potential partners, and that you dont enter into a relationship with the intent of trying to change their mind or save someone. The Closet Eviction: Unmasking the Latent Homosexual-Covert Narcissist. Here are four of the most common details to look for: 1. Debra was unknowingly married to a gay man for 22 years. 1. 282 friends. If your child tells you that there's monster in the closet (or somewhere else), you should take this seriously. And even from a time where being gay was considered a mental illness. Deflection is a key tool in the cheater's arsenal, meaning that even if he's engaging in some seriously suspect behavior, he won't admit that anything's amiss. Covert narcs operate in complete secrecy. In the beginning when we met it was so wonderful. 5.) He accuses you of acting crazy. If your partner is not over their ex, you may feel their lack of commitment in your relationship. 835 reviews. Giancarlo85. Log In Sign Up. See a The feelings are similar. The stories are based on real-life events dealing with anger, deception, and abuse. Either way, communication is key. Straight men do not penetrate or receive penetration from other men, nor do they participate in any kind of sex with other men. 11% Secretly getting a new credit card. 3. Marks on his body, unfamiliar scents in the air and on clothing, all pointing to intimacy with someone else. 13. See a mental health professional. However, showing interest in a different gender is typically a sign that someone is straight. Straight men do not penetrate or receive penetration from other men, nor do they participate in any kind of sex with other men. Has your sex life dropped off the face of the earth? The user can get violent and display psychotic traits and huge mood swings. Does NOT like being asked if he's gay or not. Your partner consistently devalues you You will never succeed with people who devalue you. This could mean that he is scared of being discovered, so he overcompensates by acting homophobic. Regardless of societys acceptance of homosexuality, it seems accusing a They do not go down low with men! He had always been a thin person, but started walking with layers of sweats, etc. However, studies show that out of 15% of couples who try to make it work, only about 7% make it over the long term. Hes asking gay sex questions. He wont have been trying to hurt you, and probably honestly thought he could change.. 11% Secretly withdrawing money from savings. If you want to be with people of the same gender and if your love fantasies revolve only around them, better know you are a closet homosexual. Lack of physical intimacy with you. Make sure that it is truly funny. We had been married 30 years. If they say complimentary things to the point where it is almost flirtatious, and when they recognize that you discovered they were flirting and might not be interested, they follow it up with a just kidding.. Straight men go straight to women, hopefully, their wives. Although this is not a sure-fire test, if you experience three or more of these eight signs, you might be a lesbian. When talking about other gay people, your husband could become angry or homophobic in his words and attitudes. Well, last check, he still hasn't come out of the closet but along with a bunch of my gay pals who've met him, we're damn sure he's gay as hell but hasn't come out yet. 5. female friend rather than your boyfriend. Your husband may simply be more attracted to males. You need to leave him, and you need to notify the authorities- it's easy to say this, but actually doing it is a whole other thing. 4. And YES, in case youre wondering, a man who is born gay but stuck in the closet (even if hes in complete denial) will show some of the same patterns and habits. Source: Financial Infidelity She will never allow you to mistreat her. ok some of this fits him. Many down lows insist When your spouse has become non-verbal or verbal language has shifted from kindness and tenderness to impatient and short its a big red flag, said R. Scott Gornto, a marriage therapist in Plano, Texas. First: Youre not crazy. Closeted guys will be insecure about all that. 11% Secretly withdrawing money from savings. husband for 8 years now, separated 10. If you hear giggling then that is a sure tell sign someone is in there. Listen for any rustling or breathing from the closet. Lesbians may also be into traveling to cities and countries that are known for beautiful women or she may just be into things that guys are into like construction, carpentry, and mechanics. They do not go down low with men! When your boyfriend craves other mens attention, he may be unsure of his sexuality. Isolate yourself. Both are stereotyped as Be respectful, and calm, during the talk. These are a few signs that you might be a lesbian or bisexual. 4. If you are going to stay, its suitable for your children, but you must delicately deal with your children if you think of parting ways. 3. Most straight men have no problem with gay guys. Some of the best bangs are done when they're still a bit of a dare, a bit scary and while still in the closet. i feel I am still not heard. In my experience, it IS common for a covert narcissist to be gay or bisexual and to always USE a woman as cover, (their MASK), to appear straight to the outside world. 11% Secretly getting a new credit card. But on the days he drinks excessively, as in a full bottle of wine and a few more drinks, he gets up in the middle of the night and pees in crazy places! My Husband is a retired police detective and has found has found the bottles of wine in even the hardest places. Disinterest in Sex. Lack of self-esteem or self-worth is probably the biggest component we exhibit. What to do if your husband beats you. Manipulation and deception is their specialty. Give curious straight guys some love. My wonderful hubsand drinks on occassion. 25. 3. I want to love and be loved, body and soul. In fact, one of the most obvious signs your husband is cheating on you is when he starts improving his 5. Your partner unrealistically idealizes you What we need is not so much to realize the ideal as to idealize the real. Leaving your clothing everywhere. Here are 17 signs your straight friend is gay-curious. 2. Stage One: Disorientation, disbelief, denial and relief. The Closet and Gay-Bashing. But this could also mean that he finds no reason to be envious. There is a decline of sexual activity early in your marriage that never picks up again. 22% Spending money on children behind a spouse's back. Ones lifestyle could give a lot of clues about your sexual orientation. Deceits Partners Admit They Commit. #9 They flirt with you but put it under the guise that they were just kidding.. They grab each others' asses when joking, they check out each others' bodies (and cocks) in the showers, they hug each other. They have a higher rate of depression, anxiety, self-harm and drug abuse. One of the biggest tell-tale signs that your boyfriend is insecure with his sexuality is if he shows unusual levels of homophobia. Ive It might be surprising to know that if your spouse isn't straight, he might actually display extreme homophobic behavior. Extreme Homophobia. Keep in mind that this alone doesnt mean the person is gay! Hes gay and hiding his truth. By being there for them, you will help them avoid self-destruction. A baby voice can be like nails on a chalkboard to many husbands. She found out her husband was gay a year ago. The first stage involves moving from a vague sense of being different to acknowledging to ones self that the sense of differentness has a name: gay. 100% Upvoted. If they could come to you and tell you the truth then they trust you, they know you will understand them. 25. He gets very defensive and dwells on it long after he's asked. Help them emotionally. But sometimes many were the product of their generation. I don't want to tear my family apart. He Is Homophobic or Acts Uncomfortable Around Gay Men. Lack of Physical Safety. Oh but of course!!! I would wish to get in touch with a specialist. Yes, there are men who are secure enough not to be threatened by other men. I believe this book will shed some light on a very painful situation. 19% Saying a purchase was on sale after paying full price. Deflection is a key tool in the cheater's arsenal, meaning that even if he's engaging in some seriously suspect behavior, he won't admit that anything's amiss. via The Next Family. 2. If you watch Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, K. Michelle has accused both Kurt and Mimis new man of being gay. If they were not, they wouldnt try to hide their drinking. A person may choose to stay in the closet because they fear for their physical safety. Author Debra Sutton discusses her book Signs of Gay Husband: Identifying Closeted Gay Husband Behaviors with host Kim Saeed. Being left by a spouse who says that the marriage is over is difficult and coming to terms with the loss can be excruciating. Few obvious signs your partner is gay include the following . Leave your children out of it. I get what you guys are saying and sometimes it is the case. Asian tolerate this as they use their husband's closet status as leverage to gain control in the relationship and get what they want. In order to get through this and move on to regain your sense of identity, self esteem, faith, and lose the anger, Buxton says that spouses go through six stages of coping. This book identifies closeted gay husband behaviors. The answer to this question might be simple, but actually doing it will be one of the hardest things you will ever do. 28 Answers. I have been divorced from my narc. How can I miss that out when I've dated one myself!!!! It just doesnt happen, period. The purpose of Signs of a Gay Husband-Identifying Closeted Gay Husband Behaviors is to help bring women out of the confusion. At the first sign of this behavior, start the process of talking about it, he said. and 10 lb. being unable to slow or stop drinking, even when it is desired. 19% Saying a purchase was on sale after paying full price. Its worth investigating further. He Loves To Hear About Other Peoples Sexuality. If you have decided to live with your bisexual spouse or not, please do not involve your offsprings in it. The Covert Narcissist, (sometimes described as the closet, vulnerable, or hypersensitive narcissist) is a particularly toxic, introverted, (some erroneously would say camouflaged) form of narcissism. Overly fastidious about his appearance and the home. But when the marriage is But at the end of all those "don't wants" was a big Want. Either way, you should probably ask questions that should be asked. 5 minutes ago. But sometimes many were the product of their generation. drinking longer or more than intended. Think of this phase as coming out to yourself. Its like a hot guy staring at you at a college party. She wants the same she offers respect, commitment, appreciation, kindness, Clothes generally create no noise but air conditioners can mask the sound. By being there for them, you will help them avoid self-destruction. At worst, it's one of the signs your husband is gay. Out of nowhere he hears that someone in the circle of his friends is gay or is coming out and you see him look so alert by the news. Never bought Christmas or Birthday Gifts, in fact he hates Holidays. It was one of the truest statements I had uttered in 22 years of marriage. I get what you guys are saying and sometimes it is the case. 4.) He Is Extremely Outwardly Homophobic. The worst part of the crash is that its typically accompanied by a very agitated and foul demeanor. 7% Covering up debt . Remember that he might be feeling confused, and that however hurt you feel, theres a reason why you love him and you shouldnt use his sexuality to hurt him. He visits gay bars frequently even though he will claim that hes just there to socialize with his gay friends. 2.) A straight partner's denial that their partner is not straight prevents them from dealing with reality. He may even feel ashamed for his gay extramarital affair, which leaves him embroiled in feelings of self-hatred. That can be hard to detecta lot of times closeted guys put on a REALLY good act. 2. The book can be purchased on Amazon. I have done everything but still am plagued by nightmares of my former house, of him, his new wife. Straight men go straight to women, hopefully, their wives. Blame yourself for "turning" your partner gay. In reality, coming out is a process. He suddenly became obsessed with his weight, his hair and overall appearance. Its not something you should necessarily take personally. In a nice, quiet, room, you can hear the person in your closet breathing. This doesn't mean he's necessarily gay. To me it's not brave to spend 10 or 20 years with someone only to destroy and discard them," says Emma. 5 He loves it when other men notice him. Deceits Partners Admit They Commit. 3.) I can think of 6 women who thought they were dating hetero sexual men only to find out,after becoming emotionally involved and in 2 cases married, that the guys were bi sexual. I dunno if it's my subconscious trying to block out that scary memory but yes, I've dated a closet gay! My biggest regret in the end was that I didnt trust my intuition. 23% Lying about a price paid. Say something funny. Consider the person's past relationships and crushes. 3. Here are 3 Glaring Signs That Your Partner Is A Closet Narcissist 1. 3. Whilst white women also aim for this control, they aren't willing to accept or can't get over the gay infidelity of a husband. When a man appears increasingly disinterested in heterosexual intimacy, this could be a sign that he is bisexual. Being a part of an interracial family is a step in the right direction. Closet drinkers are not bad, evil or devious people. Because of this, they are avoiding all sexual contact with you. Look, if you're not even sure if they're in the closet, don't go fishing for answers. There can be many reasons behind marriage turning sexless but if your husband shows no interest in intimacy right from the beginning of the relationship, it must be treated as a potential red flag. Some straight/gay marriages are happy unions. Of course, there is no 100% sure way to tell. 22% Spending money on children behind a spouse's back. But, to be clear, even slave-masters had Black people in their families, so, So climb in and enjoy it before those doors are flung open wide and everyone else is trying to get in. He watches or seems to be comfortable watching pornography with gay male Eyes straight down in the lockers, never any horseplay, always react to male But he feels women are too obsessed with their husband's sexuality, as about 98 Too much grooming: If you are taking much time in grooming, to attract others, it is probably because of that confused complex within your unconscious mind. Discovering your sexual orientation takes time and self-exploration. He accuses you of acting crazy. 10 Alarming Signs Your Husband Is Gay 1 . Signs Your Husband or Man May Be Gay. Well, I was dating an emotionally flawed 22-year-old (10 years my junior) in the closet emotionally flawed, who, unfortunately, was ashamed of his sexuality. Assume your marriage is over. I don't want to go to hell. Bisexual men, in turn, struggle to persuade men and women alike that they arent just gay men with one foot in the closet. Hello, I read that your special field is Narcissism. 1.) Some might feel that this behavior is expected when a marriage is ending, but there were other signs. Natural men have a certain amount of grit about them. If the entire house becomes your closet, you're driving your husband up the wall. Giancarlo85. 4% Hiding a raise or bonus. There are over four million women in this country unknowingly married to gay men. Help them emotionally. Many down lows insist From my perspective, this was by far the worst part. And when a woman loves you, she will not be blinded by that love. 3. When you are off to bed, your husband can either be on the internet browsing explicit sites or he is calling up someone special. 4% Hiding a raise or bonus. 2 Colorblind: You Have A Unified, Multi-Racial, Integrated Family. It is simplistic to think of being out/being in the closet as a simple, either-or choice. He will show signs of disapproval towards gay men and gay couples, as well as be particularly vocal about how wrong homosexuality is. Ambushing your friends with questions and comments can turn any friendly conversation into a minefield. (Of course the third possibility is hes gay and having an affair with a man.) If he's in there, strip off quickly and get in there with him. If your man used to be OK with slightly messed up hair, or half of a shave, and he's now carefully grooming himself, it's obviously not to impress you. 6. If youre wrestling with these questions, one of the most telling signs your husband may be gay is an apparent lack of interest in sex. Bonnie Kaye explains women that marry gay men have certain attributes closeted men hone in on. Kaye's checklist includes: 1. 2. ankle weights. I know that every person has a different closeted experience, and mine is by no means the universal experience. I certainly fit into that category. Even though we have come a long way in accepting LGBTQIA+ people, they are nearly four times as likely to experience physical violence 2 against them as people who are cisgender and heterosexual. Watch, whether you are getting into the style sense of your opposite gender They are hesitant to commit to future events or Men may seem somewhat satisfied with the sex life with a female partner, but their wives or girlfriends may notice that the man is also interested in spending time around attractive men. Instead, he'll simply tell you that you're acting irrational, or even suggest you get into therapy for your jealousy issues. Telling Internet History craving alcohol, a compulsion to drink. What are the signs that your husband is in the closet? It may just be they are going through some difficult issues. 24% Hiding purchases or receipts. There are a few things I want you to know. 23% Lying about a price paid. Log in or sign up to leave a comment. lakeesha Hennessy Williams answered. For some gay men, "Hiding and passing as heterosexual becomes a lifelong moral hatred of the self; a maze of corruptions, petty lies, and half truths that spoil social relations in family and friendship" (Herdt and Boxer, 1993). excess time is spent drinking or recovering from drinking. Step One: I had to admit that I was a broken woman. If they could come to you and tell you the truth then they trust you, they know you will understand them. 2 comments. Perhaps if the men had been oprn about this in the beginning the women would have been fine with it. 24% Hiding purchases or receipts. If your husband is gay, then there are chances that he will be texting or chatting with someone behind your back.